It’s still early, but the world is beginning to descend into Rio for these much maligned 2016 Olympic Games. Soon the athletes and competition will come to the fore, but there is so much more than sport making news leading in. In fact, people aren’t talking about sport as much as they are about court.
Now we see that an ad hoc division of the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) has already set up in Rio to deal with any potential drug violations and appeals as the Games go on, and even impose temporary sanctions if needed. Talk about your fast-track! Get ‘em up, get ‘em out, just like a good starter. Then there’s the whole Russian athlete banishment issue after the IOC punted responsibility for determining who can compete and who can’t back to the individual sports’ federations just two weeks before the opening ceremonies.
I’m telling you, these Rio Olympics are already about as messy as Guanabara Bay, which some water-based eventers will have to compete in or on – and those ain’t Baby Ruth candy bars floating around in there, either. But still, they ought to try to make some lemonade out of all these lemons, don’t you think – though, best check where the water comes from first.
Point is, if this CAS court thing is going to be that big a deal, why not capitalize? The IOC ought to go out and get Judge Judy and make a show out of it. She’d generate good ratings, we know that. Sure, she’d be costly, but the IOC would make money, too. And isn’t that their modern Olympic ideal?
I don’t know, maybe we’re looking at this whole Rio Olympic drug kerfuffle all wrong. Forget about banning athletes. Those two and four-year bans have proven useless, anyway. They just give people a little break for training. But since we already have a hot mess in Rio, why not use it to its best advantage?
Here’s a plan. Rather than keeping folks out, make sure that all past offenders and suspected drug cheats of the world – plus all the corrupt officials who voted to put the games into that petri dish in the first place – are ushered into Rio with wide smiles and open arms. But then once they get down there, no mosquito netting, no deet protection, no condoms, no ground transportation, no air-conditioning. And make sure they bathe in that rancid bay and generally let them enjoy the hospitality of their choice for 17 whole days.
That way the next generation will be so contaminated by what their parents caught down in Rio that they won’t be able to compete worth a darn come 2036 or 2040, and the clean people of this planet will finally have a chance on a level playing field. Given, that is, that they can find more sucker cities to pony up for the privilege of hosting the IOC family.
And that’s another part of the whole operation you have to love. While the underclass in the Rio favelas will be kept hidden from sight and the world’s athletes will be staying at an “athlete’s village” that Anthony from Hotel Impossible would find challenging — then compete for shiny objects after months and years of training — IOC officials will most likely follow SOP by arriving at a special customs’ gate with luggage tags that let them slide right through like a German bobsledder, then be transported via limo in a special lane with no traffic to a five-star hotel where they have already been checked in.
How’s that for a working order created to help bring the world together? Peace.